Hoarders are generally very private people, who do not wish to have their issues being known to their friends and family. They feel a sense of shame about their situation, they should not since it is not their fault! We need to help those individuals come to terms with their situation. There are a few techniques in which to better help hoarders on the road to recovery. Read our tips below:
- Encourage them to read literature on their condition. Offering these individuals material to read on hoarding can help them realize that the situation they are in requires help. The literature can offer insight into their situation, what may have possibly caused it and how to help them recover. You should encourage them to read about the safety risks and damage to their life that they are imposing on themselves and their loved ones.
- How these tendencies can be affecting their own physical health. However, you must be careful on how you approach them on this topic since it could trigger a defense mechanism.
- Do not insult, threaten, or in any way demean the hoarding individual, instead use common sense, and suggest donating to charity, the hoarder will be more likely to be open to the suggestion of being charitable then trying to motivate them through demeaning them, which is more likely to get them to cut themselves off from you. For example, do not say they need counseling or to tell them all their items are garbage and should be taken to the dump. People are usually sympathetic to the needs of others, and instead of imploring them to throw away the items you should advise them to donate the items to charity. Offer to help them go through different areas to find misplaced items, it will help them discern what is valuable and what is not. This allows for them to become comfortable with you going through their items.
When helping a hoarder, trust is key in establishing a link between that individual and the person who is trying to help them. Do not try to pressure them into throwing out their belongings if you do this, it can often make the situation worse and confrontational. You need to understand that there is a lot of complexities that surround a hoarding situation, that are associated with obsessive compulsive disorder. So, you need to treat them as a person, do not impose your help on them without permission or without first gaining trust.
These techniques should allow for the hoarder to understand the situation they have been placed in. Also, it will let them come to an understanding that what they are doing is not healthy and is damaging the family and friend relationships that they have. The reality is that we want to help the individual get well and help them address their mess. Before you approach a hoarder, read the tips on communicating with hoarders below:
When communicating with a hoarder, remember the following
Do's of Communicating with a Hoarder
1. Connect with The Individual:
Place yourself in the Hoarder's mind and connect with their emotions. They need to know that you will be there for them after the cleanup
2. Seek Professional Help:
Whether you are a hoarder or a loved one of a hoarder, there are many therapists that specialize in hoarding. Don't just go to a general therapist
3. Continue to Talk About the Situation:
Follow up on the matter so that the hoarder is motivated to follow through too
4. Talk About Safety:
Highlight safety issues first: reorganizing can create a safer home environment, discuss this before discussing the removal of items
5. Agree That the Items Are Important:
Items have an emotional connection to a hoarder so they should be thought of as important to all involved. Baffled? What is something that you have saved in your home that would seem odd to others? Look around your home and you will be surprised
6. Keep Everything Confidential:
Hoarders realize to some degree that this is not normal to the average society. The goal to keep the hoarder on your side is to promise not to talk about anything related to their situation to anyone without their permission. You can however contact a certified hoarding clean up company that has been trained in hoarding situations
7. Ask Why - In A Respectful Tone:
Why are they keeping these items, many hoarders have had a dramatic experience such as a death in the family, a loved one leaving them, or an abusive past which has led to this hoarding situation
8. Promote Donation:
Everyone loves to help the needy, so let the hoarder know their stuff will go to better use with someone who needs it, rather than sitting in their house under other items
9. Be Patient:
Don't get impatient with them, it must be taken one step at a time. The hoarder needs to realize first that their living condition is below standard. After this is realized, the hardest part of getting rid of certain items has come
10. Hire A Pro Hoarding Cleanup & Organization Service:
Hiring a professional service will not only help with the relationship between you and the hoarder but it will allow someone (if hiring the right company) who knows items of value and can help to organize the house in a way that will help the hoarder cope with their feelings and loss of connection with the items
Don'ts of Communicating with a Hoarder
1. Make Fun of The Hoarder’s Situation:
You'd be amazed what comes out of people's mouths. Prepare all who enter a hoarding home that this is a serious mental issue, and that the hoarder is feeling very low and embarrassed when you enter the home.
2. Say Let’s Get Rid of All This “Stuff”:
To you the mountains of hoarded items may be useless "stuff", but a hoarder has a sentimental emotional connection to the "stuff". For example, they may have saved a menu from a restaurant that is not still in business today, but the menu may be a reminder of a dinner with their late father.
3. Get Angry:
If you're a loved one of a hoarder your first reaction may be to start getting upset. This emotion will get you nowhere and will scare the hoarder, who is very sensitive at the time, and will cause them to close and not respond to your request to take care of the situation.
4. Try to Reason Right Away:
Remember they have been living like this for years and have created a sense of normalcy over time. The first thing you want to say is that you are not judging the person and be as compassionate as possible, this leads to the ability to reason.
5. Touch the Hoarder’s Items:
Speaking with the hoarder you can determine what you can clean now and what may need to be negotiated later. Help the hoarder identify items that they have less attachment to and would be ready to get rid of and what they would have trouble getting rid of at first.
6. Treat the Hoarder Like a Child:
Hoarders are very intelligent and educated and can tell when you are talking down to them. Any adult would feel disrespected if treated like a child and hoarders are no different so treat them like the adults that they are.
7. Treat Hoarders Like Criminals:
There are hoarding situations where the authorities must get involved. With a reasonable level tone layout, a reasonable timeline that the hoarder must follow before authorities have to intervene and add unnecessary stress and make the hoarder feel like they have broken a major crime.
8. Make A Large Task List for The Hoarder:
As a non-hoarder we understand your need to create a plan of attack and begin immediately. Knowing hoarders as we do, we find that separating out the tasks and talking about the tasks individually make the project go smoother.
9. Ask Why – In A Disrespectful Tone:
It is important to find the answer to this question for the recovery process but ask the question in a respectful tone & let the answer come in due time if they do not know. If you are interested in reading about why people hoard, try books by Randy Frost and Gail Steketee (see video description for examples).
10. Let This Stress You Out:
Once the house is organized, with mental health treatment (hoarding is usually a result of a traumatic situation in the hoarder’s life), a little patience, and periodic check ins, life for the hoarder and their loved ones can become enjoyable again.
Please consider our company Address Our Mess for hoarding cleanup service. We are here to help! Call 410-589-2747 or email info@addressourmess.com for more information.